Australians Get High By Smoking Skittles

Dude, taste the rainbow

Black People Can Extinguish A Fire Just by Dissing It

During the great Chicago fire of 1871, it took nearly 100 men implying the inferno's mother was promiscuous to smother the blaze


The French Feed Their Children Like Baby Birds

You haven't lived until you've had a second hand croissant

The Russian National Anthem is Actually Plagiarized Star Trek Fan Fiction

But to be fair, it is quite moving


Gay People Poop Marshmallows

Which explains why they are always so damn festive


In Canada, The Men Have the Babies

Which makes it the only country where it's customary for a baby shower to include a stripper


White People Secretly Know How to Breathe Underwater

But they won't teach anyone else

Indians Lose Their Nipples Every Full Moon

But on the bright side, when they reappear they smell exactly like fresh baked sugar cookies


Southern Baptists Deny the Existence of Nocturnal Animals

Leviticus 22:15 - If you see an animal out at night it means you must have woken it up your- damn-self. I am the Lord

All Midgets are Born Able to Moonwalk

But it takes years to teach them to walk forward

Native Americans Think Clowns Cause Cancer

That's in addition to the soul crushing nightmares the rest of us have learned to accept


Jews Don't Poop

Frankly, we don't want to know how it all works


Middle Eastern Men Are Compelled to Bury Every Pine Cone They See

Of course after WWIII, when they become our new money, the rest of us will regret just letting 'em all go to waste


Jesuits Are Terrified of the Moon

While every normal person has a deep primal urge to destroy the moon, only the Jesuits realize the feeling is mutual.

Left Handed People Can Get Drunk From Drinking Candle Wax

Their brains is all fucked up


Everyday, at Exactly Noon, Every Single Polynesian Goes Cross-Eyed

That's why they are better known as "Natures Timepieces"

The Irish Can't See Hypercolors

The early 90's were rough for 'em.

The Amish Secretly Blame the Spread of Electricity on Black People

It seems so obvious in hindsight.

Eskimos Never Invented Sitting

That's why you never see chairs in an igloo.

Latinos Can't Lose the Remote Control

You know how birds can always sense magnetic north? It's something like that.

Lightning Bugs Won't Light Up Near a Catholic

That's why the pope hates 'em.

Asian Men are Irresistible to Squirrels

It has something to do with pheromones.